This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. I kept waiting for someone to say this. Furthermore, what adult man refuses to have a relationship wit a child he conceived. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? All my friends want me to leave him, saying it's not worth it anymore. It doesnt sound like hes ready to be a one-woman man and get married (let alone start a family), and it doesnt sound like the LW is entirely willing and able to deal with being with a man who has fathered a child that isnt theirs. Its not the situation, but the way its written. It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. The calculus is income dependent based on whos the higher earner. I think that the thing to keep in mind is that the angry ranters are really just a very vocal minority. Why is he such a scummy, awful human being because hes angry with the way this has worked out that hell be on the hook for another human being until who knows when? He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. Or pining away for a father figure theyll never, ever have? Just something to think about. Susie can do what she wants but he wants nothing to do with it. Pardon my French but if youre going to stick your dick into a stranger, you need to take birth control into your own hands and not rely on her word alone. April 10, 2012, 9:41 am. If you know you absolutely dont want kids, do everything you can to prevent them. lets_be_honest They arent bad people because of it. The law does, because once the child is here, through no fault of its own, it needs to be supported in order to have a successful life and successful children are in the best interest of all of society. Maybe because she wants something to love. February 1, 2014, 11:38 am. If your girlfriend complains that you never take . So long as he isnt raping people, who are you to say he has no right to have unprotected sex? Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. Not only to prevent babies but to protect yourself from STDs. Well, that part is pretty easy, since its the way things work now. The hand and fingers were all bright red and black-and-blue under the nails. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. But it doesnt matter what you think of her or her decision to carry your boyfriends baby. April 10, 2012, 6:52 pm. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. Hes a scumbag and your only choices are (1) say so now and be rid of him, or (2) wait 5 or 10 years and say Why didnt I see this 5 or 10 years ago? By then you may be after him for child support yourself, and good luck with that therell be at least one in line ahead of you every payday. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. Both agreed to cut him out entirely, up to and including child support, so that he was free of any obligation. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. so its a little early to judge. That way you will know things like what you both agree to do if she gets preggers, and how soon you jettison him if he goes and has sex with someone else ad knocks her up. I had no idea. Privacy Policy. Hes scum, no one in their right mind is going to want to stay with him. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? A dude youre dating barebacked someone while you were on a break and then came back to you and said he couldnt live without you. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . , CatsMeow REALLY? Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. "My mom got pregnant from a one-night-stand at 16. I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. Both of their attitudes kind of suck. You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. Exactly. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. Seriously? Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . Sounds like its coming out of the starting blocks with two strikes against it in the gene pool department. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. You moved and hoped he would come chasing you. Steve Kellmeyer female Your choice. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. Its a good word. Steve Kellmeyer People need to think about their actions and the consequences. .. but what if she did deceive him? depressed, got back together, money. I totally understand. That is not her fault. And the children are either damned or murdered. Yeah, I believe that means he must be., I believe the definition of an immature asshole is a 40-year-old man who wont own up to his responsibility to be a father to the baby he had equal part in creating.. April 10, 2012, 5:46 pm. April 10, 2012, 11:45 am. April 10, 2012, 7:42 pm. lets_be_honest Parasites are all the same. datechguy Its like the universe is all conspiring against us! But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. Putting that opinion into action with either government or private coercion is that to which we have no right. Thats not the point here. By nothing to do with their lifestyle choices do you mean never put it in her because I dont think we make men pay child support to women they have not had sex with. Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. What would you tell your girlfriend or sister if they were in the same situation is always a good go-to. Im not advocating for it, just describing whats been proposed elsewhere. Absolutely BOIL. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. If you are a woman, if you just met a guy, and if you become pregnant, you can get 20+ years of child support. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Well, now it's been years. Category Convertible. Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. He does have a responsibility towards this baby, whether he likes it or not. lets_be_honest Susie is lost. evanscr05 Let him go. His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. It really doesnt help the LW at all and doesnt belong here but here we go. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. Im a guy, and I think that the BF is a loser scum bag. Any 40 year old man thats in the habit of jumping into bed with a woman who claims shes on BC after knowing her for 2 min is so dirty, Id be afraid to touch him much less get back in a relationship with him. They like to entrap men, too. Or perhaps youre a world-wise know-it-all 19 year old who heard everything you regurgitate here from your Womens Studies professor bitter after falling for the same sure I love you baby slickster line you mentioned above. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. On a side note: If the adoption had not occured and she went after him for support, he could contest it by stating that it would be detrimental to the child as he has no fatherly relationship with the child and introducing such a relationship so many years later would be harmful. So on what grounds do you hold the carpenter for child support and let the IVF doctor walk? Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. Just keep right on thinking about yourselves as so many of you seem so want to do. 5. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. I thought you were disputing the comments about it being not that contagious by disclosing that you were HIV positive. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. hi there! You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Im simply responding to the information in the letter because, not knowing these people personally, I have nothing else to go on. I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? But it also ought to be her responsibility. Id like to hear your explanation as to why that should not be the case. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Deal with it, ladies. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments I wouldnt. I dont think that this necessarily has to end you, but I would think long and hard about continuing to be involved with a 40 year old man who is unable to take responsibility for his actions. Guy Friday He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? The fact that you are even considering getting back with this guy right now blows my mind. But everything youve written here about the pregnancy and the well being of the child has made me look at things with fresh eyes. Like getting child support is easy. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? she's a real bitch. In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy back but the guy is the one who pulled away. That still has no impact on my main points. and now he must deal with those consequences. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. Malarky. Your biological child. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. If youre going to be all bent out of shape if the stranger youre sleeping with has your baby then Id ask for a hand job instead. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. Watch your language young lady! Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. What can you change? As a woman, you have control over that. You shouldnt expect him to bow down and praise the woman. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. Steve Kellmeyer Guy Friday He didnt marry you. He's got to focus on his ex and tell himself she wants to be with him and not the other man in the long run. It amazes me how people can say things like That whore slept with my boyfriend! and keep a straight face. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? Its very unfair. People are calling the LW scum because hes willing to abandon a child he helped create. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. I dont know. The pregnancy pulled you back from the brink. He hides me as well as the other girl. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. And as a grown adult; as a person whos lived 40 years and should have acquired a sense of decency and maturity; you should own up to the consequences of your actions. All we know is that she wants to have the baby- maybe because shes prepared to be a wonderful parent. Whoever is saying otherwise is simply wrong. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. hamster van beethoven April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. We all know breakups are painful. She loved him back then but broke up with him over this but went back to him 20 years later thinking he grew up.2016. 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. PS. 17. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. Sure, lots of people take those chances. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. Grow the fuck up! No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. we are making DW history, here, people!!! I really only mean exactly what I said. A Happy Life If this is the case with this woman, then she may well not be at all thrilled to be pregnant and not expecting anything from this guy. I would like to believe that someone near my dads own age would have more sense than this. Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. Stop this back and forth with him. Its the law. Consider the consequences or dont. That fact just rubs me the wrong way. female If you cant live with those outcomes, dont have sex with her. Can you elaborate? She still doesnt get it, but we tried. Doesnt matter if they took every precaution to design the worlds best bottle. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. This desicion has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. iseeshiny All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. John Rohan April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. Ill bite. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. lets_be_honest He says fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy.
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